The Centre for Lessons Learned | On the Fear of Disconnection

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote

This is more a lesson I’m trying to learn actually.

“Shame is the fear of disconnection. That something we’ve done or something we are makes us unworthy of connection.” – Brené Brown

I just really need to not give a fuck. I’m 32 this year, I think it’s about time I stop worrying about what other people think of me.

I need to learn that if I meet new people and don’t make any new friends it’s not a judgement on me as a human being. At worst it means I’m shit at making friends, which is true.

The Other Lesson I’m Trying to Learn

I was reminded of this lesson I’ve been meaning to learn when I was reading my book, “Anne of Green Gables”, this morning. Anne was fretting about doing and saying the right things at a dinner date at Mrs Allan’s and Marilla scolded her:

“The trouble with you, Anne, is that you’re thinking too much about yourself. You should just think of Mrs. Allan and what would be nicest and most agreeable to her”.

I once read an interesting perspective on shyness, which described it as fundamentally selfish as the shy person is only thinking about themselves and their own discomfort. I think it’s such an elegant solution to shyness to simply invert one’s focus. I’ve always admired people who are welcomers, who have a natural grace and put other’s at ease.

I’m feeling so good now you guys! This is why I write. I can’t think things through like this without writing.

And you thought this was an art blog.

2 Comments The Centre for Lessons Learned | On the Fear of Disconnection

  1. Lena

    Otherwise a good post, but I disagree about that common statement, that shy people are selfish. I liken it more to stage fright, except that shy people are uncertain about their (social) role, so more often than not, the “performance” is not going to go well. It’s not so easy to just BE yourself.

    Not saying that inverting focus is not a good advice.

    1. Katherine

      Yes, I definitely have mixed feelings about that perspective. I felt offended initially but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. Having said that I do tend to be a bit too quick to accept criticism :P


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